Who Am I Being ?
by: William Frank Diedrich

Who am I being right now? Who was I being in that situation? These are questions I ask myself every day? I want to know. If I am interacting and the interaction feels uncomfortable--who am I being that this feels so bad? Over the years I have created many images of myself which I find myself defending, attacking, or portraying to others. In my book, The Road Home, I call these false views of self. The Arbinger Institute, authors of Leadership and Self Deception (a must read book), call these self justifying images.

A few weeks ago I found myself in a conversation where the other person became very impatient with me. I, then, became impatient with her impatience. I called attention to her impatience and made it clear I didn't like it. The next day I asked myself: "Who was I being that the person talking to me became very impatient?" The answer came: "I'm the kind of person who deserves to be treated with respect". This person wasn't giving me what I deserved, so obviously she was out of line.

This is the kind of thinking that gets us into more conflict. A Course in Miracles says there are only two kinds of thinking--love and fear. In love, I am caring and responsive toward myself and others. I am able to see the good in the other person. In fear I feel threatened and resistant both toward myself and the other. I tend to add up the faults of the other person and, of course, affirm my virtues. I tell myself this other person is disrespectful, impatient, unappreciative of me, and doesn't listen. I tell myself that I am respectful, communicating well, and would never treat her disrespectfully. This is how the image justifies itself. Does this sound a little silly? I hope so, because it is silly. It is also common, everyday, insane communications between people.

Here's the rule of thumb: if I think someone else is a problem person, then I'm the problem. This doesn't mean people don't do inconsiderate and even horrible things. This doesn't mean that I never talk to someone else about their poor behavior. It means that my discomfort, my anger, my resentment, and my irritation are not about them. Who am I being that I felt and spoke and acted the way I did? As Stephen Covey has said: "How you see the problem is the problem.". Yet, it goes beyond perception. It's who I am being that is the problem.

If I am going through my day and I feel great, my relationships feel great, and I feel in alignment with my Self I get to say, "Great! I'm doing it. I'm in the flow. I'm responding to people and to life. I'm expressing love." If things aren't going well, people are impatient with me, and I feel uncomfortable, I get to ask myself the question: "Who am I being that these things are happening?" Am I the kind of person who prizes suffering? Do I maintain it by refusing to forgive others? Am I the kind of person who likes drama? Am I starring in a drama where everyone else is wrong and I, alone, am right? Am I the hero who is going to set everyone else straight? Who am I being?

There are many self justifying images that people create. Examples include "I am the kind of person who is hardworking (not lazy), compassionate (not selfish), smart (not stupid) or not appreciated (for all that I do). We find these images in areas where we are particularly sensitive, defensive, or emotional. My example is the image that I am the kind of person who deserves respect. If this is the image I am managing then I will be on the lookout for disrespect. When I think I'm getting disrespect I will be angry, resentful, irritated. I will tend to interpret the moods of others as disrespect toward me. Wherever I carry this self justifying image I will spend my energy demanding respect rather than giving it. I will focus my energy on me rather than the other person. I will resist people rather than responding to them. I will feel threatened and fearful, and my behavior will arise from a place of fear and threat. If a person offers me disrespect, my demand for respect will not encourage respectful behavior. It will invite disrespect. But, you may ask: "Don't you deserve respect? What does one do when receiving disrespect? How do we motivate someone to be respectful?"

These are good questions. A Course in Miracles says that fear is a call for love. I have the option whether or not to answer the call. I answer the call by responding. I respond by taking the focus off me and putting it on the other person. I may ask what the problem is. I might tell the other person to back off. I may sense a deeper issue in the person and speak to it. I may let it go and not say anything. It is not what I do that makes the difference. It is who I am being in that moment. If I am responding from a place of caring about the well being of this person; of acknowledging their needs and concerns being as important as my own; and of doing what intuitively feels right, then I will respond with love. Whether my behavior is soft or hard is not important. Love can be either. Responsiveness can be either. This is not about portraying myself as a caring person (another self justifying image). It is about actually caring.

It can be difficult to get past our self justifying images because we have spent so many years crafting and protecting them. The truth is, these images are a lot of work to keep up. We must be constantly vigilant and on the defense. Wouldn't it be great to let go of the job of image management and just respond to people. Once you have decided to become aware of self justifying images and let them go the results are immediate. You extend an open invitation to all others to do the same. A sense of ease flows through you. Relationships become easier when you are responding, recognizing the humanity in others, and seeing the good in them. Others begin changing because you have given them someone different to respond to. Your love inspires, uplifts, and enlivens each person you encounter. It's not what you do for others that uplifts them; it is who you are being.

About The Author

William Frank Diedrich is a speaker, executive coach and the author of three books, including The Road Home: The Journey Beyond the Spiritual Quick Fix, 30 Days to Prosperity, and Beyond Blaming. To learn more about his books, services, and free gifts go to http://transformativepress.com.

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The Big Question for Any Relationship
by: Neil Millar


I’ve got one big question. It’s a question that will make everything in your relationship completely worthwhile… even the bits that get on your nerves and cause you head and heart aches…

It’s the type of question you wouldn’t ordinarily ask - but that’s okay, because you didn’t know to ask it… until now!

For most people, relationships don’t go smoothly. Undercurrents, disputes, emotions, periods, children, habits, morals, values, work hours and workloads, these are just a few of the kind of things that can cause conflicts. But what if I told you something…

What if I told you it’s not about the issue?

My philosophy is that no issue is bigger than the relationship. If we’re honest it’s never really the issue that causes the problem. What causes the problem is the emotions behind the issue.

And what causes the emotions?

What causes the our relationship conflicts is, at the core, very rarely the issue that’s in front of us now. This may seem hard to take at first so let me explain a little more.

When we react to something someone says or does we are in effect re-acting - behaving in way we acted before. This is what we might call learned behaviour. We may have learned that behaviour in a number of ways: watching our parents behaviour in a relationship, seeing it on TV, our own experience etc.

Are these learned re-actions appropriate in all circumstances?

I’d say no. A few days ago my partner made a sweeping statement that… well… to be frank, pushed all my buttons. What she said was like a red rag to a bull. Thankfully I caught myself before any real damage was done. I immediately knew there was nothing wrong with what she had said, or how she had said it. But the words she used, reminded me of someone else and a pattern of behaviour I ran with them. This is the type of conditioned, unconscious, response I’m talking about.

If your partner presses your buttons does it mean the relationship bad?

Conflict doesn’t have to mean the relationship is bad. It can indicate that you, or your partner, or most probably both of you, on occasions, have some things that you need to become more aware of. If you can begin to view your relationship as a playground to work these things out, the relationship can become a whole new arena of fun and games. And this is where my question can really help…

My question will get you thinking about the how you can help yourself and your relationship become a harmonious haven rather than a gladiator’s ring. It will help you be a more understanding person for your partner and it will help to spare you from saying things you’ll regret later.

The question is profoundly simple. But when you ask it and use the outcome effectively you begin to take your relationship onto a new level. Things that used to cause you problems will vanish. And when new things come up they’ll have very little power.

When you find your buttons have been pushed the question you have to ask is this: What’s this really about?

Simple isn’t it. But it takes you right to the heart of the matter. As I said, relationship conflict is rarely about an issue and more to do with the conditioned responses.

By asking my question what you do is take the conditioned behaviour and transform it into the conscious. In effect what begins to happen is this: you move beyond the past conditioned response that causes conflict and are left with the current issue. This question allows you to understand what’s going on inside you. Knowing this means you can then bypass the past and deal with what is currently before you.

But what if you don’t want to move beyond the past?

Then I guess you’ll continue to re-act it out… until the pain and loss get the better of you.

My very good wishes

Neil


About The Author

Neil Millar
I hope that my newsletter, on creating a better life, will help you create a life you deserve. Find out more at http://www.neilmillar.net.

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Shhh...How About a Little Quiet Time?
by: Kevin Eikenberry

I often say that our world is very different than it once was. And when I do people often shake their heads knowingly – I suppose that statement conjures a variety of ideas based on how old they are and from what vantage point they compare today with the past.

As our world continues to change, I believe there are some things getting lost that need to be re-found. The good news is many of these things can be re-discovered, and we have that power completely in our hands.

One thing we are losing is quiet.

We don't make room for quiet in our lives. When we are in the car, the radio is on. When we are walking or riding a bike or mowing our lawns or waiting for an airplane (add your own favorite activity here), we are listening to an iPod or something similar. When we are at home, or in many public places, the television is on. When we are working, the sound is turned up on our computers so we can hear the funny email, podcast, audio message from the CEO, or radio program on the Web.

These are all intentional activities and none of them include the ambient noise of traffic, other people and so much more.

And while we have all this noise around us, instinctively we know that quiet is a good thing.

We value the pause when a speaker gives us a chance to soak in his or her points. We enjoy the brief respite of quiet from a noisy conference. We enjoy a retreat to a quiet park or forest. While we know quiet is valuable and useful, we don’t always take advantage of that knowledge – we don’t choose quiet often enough.

However, in order for us to choose quiet, we must first choose some other things. We must choose to slow down. We must choose to stop multi-tasking. We must choose to be introspective. We must choose to spend time by ourselves. And all of these choices come before the choice for quiet – they are required prerequisites.

Think about it, how much time do you spend in quiet each day? While I haven't done a formal survey, I'll bet for the typical person, it is time measured in minutes – not even closely approaching an hour.

Ways to Use Our Quiet

Once you’ve made the choice to turn off the TV or radio, to take the earphones out of your ears, or to (gasp!) not fill that last open hour on your calendar with one more meeting, you’ve got to choose how to use your quiet time.

Rather than prescribing a specific thing you should do with that time, let me suggest a smorgasbord of ideas for you to consider. As you read the menu, pick the one or two you feel most drawn to, and start with those.

Do stretching exercises.

Clear your mind.

Review your goals and your progress towards them.

Visualize reaching your biggest goal.

Think about your day – reflect on the happenings and the lessons that can be learned.

Mentally preview tomorrow – planning and visualizing great success.

Review material from a book or training session.

Meditate.

Pray.

Practice deep breathing.

Think of creative solutions to a challenge or problem you are facing.

Count your blessings.

Recall pleasant memories.

In school our teachers said “Shhh” when they wanted us to be quiet and pay attention. I encourage you to tell yourself “Shhh” – to make time for quiet, to give yourself a chance to focus, to connect and to reflect.

It’s time for me to be quiet and to give you a chance to do the same.

About The Author

Kevin Eikenberry is a leadership expert and the Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group, a learning consulting company that helps Clients reach their potential through a variety of training, consulting and speaking services. To receive your free special report on Unleashing Your Potential go to http://www.kevineikenberry.com/uypw/index.asp or call us at (317) 387-1424 or 888.LEARNER.

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Top 10 Excuses People Make For Dating Failure (Part Two)
by: Scot McKay

Last week we talked about the first five of the "Top Ten Excuses" single adults make for dropping out of the dating pool. Today we'll cover the second half of the list. Fair warning-the bottom half of the list is even more hard-hitting than the first five, so fasten your seat belts. If you are making excuses for dating failure, prepare to be challenged…in the best possible way!

The first five "excuses" centered around physical limitations, advanced age, kids, game playing and finances. Let's continue where we left off:

1) Shyness

If words are hard to come by and meeting people is not easy, you certainly aren't alone. For better or worse, women still largely expect men to approach them first, so men especially have to get around shyness. This is probably the #1 excuse men give (along with the next one), and citing it can only point to one thing: you simply lack the guts to go for it. Women love men who are confident, and being able to start a conversation with an attractive woman is a key indicator of this. So guys, you just have to find the courage to make conversations happen. There are innumerable books and articles written on this elsewhere, but the best place to start is simply to make conversation with waitresses, bank tellers and any other women you meet during the course of daily life. Once you realize they will be friendly back, you are on the road to getting over shyness. If, on the other hand, you find women are NOT responding well, it's time to address creepiness-because women will normally respond very favorably (if not necessarily romantically) to any man who is friendly and non-threatening.

Ladies if you find yourself clamming up when an interesting guy approaches you, the same concept holds true. Just treat the conversation as if with anyone you've already known for years. Easier said than done, I realize, but again practice makes perfect.

2) Fear Of Rejection

Ah yes…the second excuse that men so often make. Our poor egos would be sooo bruised if a woman fails to validate us. The quickest cure for this is for a guy to begin to view approaching women as an opportunity to validate HER as a potential friend rather than a "do or die" referendum on whether she "accepts" him or not. That way, there's really no "rejection" involved, is there? The prevailing scenario is-again-that typically women will be friendly to guys who aren't obnoxious or creepy. If they are in fact rude to a guy who approaches, my feeling is that the guy dodged a serious bullet. Who wants to get stuck with a rude woman?

Fear of rejection can manifest itself even after a relationship is rolling. If we've been "dumped" a few times in a row it's easy to give up on dating altogether. Once again, asking the right questions ASAP in a relationship can help make sure differences in goals don't show up later. It's also important to look in the mirror if we get dumped time and again-especially if for no apparent reason. Are you giving vibes that you might not be trustworthy long term? Have you become less personable as your "true colors" are shown? Are you pushing too hard for commitment too early? All of these are GREAT reasons to get "dumped". Make sure you aren't perpetrating your own revolving-door relationships.

3) Risk

Schedule a few dates in public places and you'll soon realize that most of your dates aren't "dangerous"…even the ones you meet online. Once such "physical risks" are mitigated, consider emotional risks carefully. If you are afraid of "getting hurt" consider the types of people most likely to inflict emotional pain and avoid them. This means asking the right questions regarding what is expected out of a ‘relationship' and-quite simply-not becoming emotionally attached to someone with a different agenda. Will you ever be able to take all "risk" off the table? No. But as Tennyson is so often quoted as saying, "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Believe that, and you've cured yourself of this excuse…especially when you realize just how much lower the "risk factors" can truly be when the right conversations happen from the beginning.

4) "No Man Can Handle Me"

This is the mantra of smart, successful and / or strong willed women everywhere. Don't "dumb down" for anyone, but do make an effort to position yourself where you have the opportunity to meet guys who meet your standards. I'll be the first to acknowledge that sitting at the top of the bell curve means that your dating options are limited as a woman in particular. But you can and will meet a man you can respect…if you are determined. Don't give up.

5) Disdain For The Opposite Sex

Well, I hope that it comes as no surprise that people who really can't stand the opposite gender have a tough time finding someone of that demographic who is willing to commit to them. When spelled out so clearly it actually sounds silly, doesn't it? If your sexual orientation is straight yet you don't like the opposite sex much, plan on being very lonely until that is dealt with. Argue with me if you so choose, but my personal experience is that people who don't like the opposite sex are typically hard to get along with for members of their OWN gender also. Go figure.

Healthy relationships are one of life's greatest gifts. Everything we do here at X & Y Communications revolves around that principle. Instead of "giving up" in the face of doubt, the better response is to make the effort to deserve what you want. Through doing that the weakness imposed upon us by excuses for failure are transformed into power by virtue of taking responsibility for our own success. Cool, huh?

As I mentioned, this is a three-part series. But we've covered the top ten excuses people give for dating failures already, right? I believe that there is an even greater specter looming so large over the lives of many people that the shadow it casts requires a discussion unto itself. Its diabolical power to keep people mired in loneliness will be exposed and unraveled in the next issue.

About The Author
Scot McKay's dating strategies are found at http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/ . Stop by right now and grab a FREE e-book ($20 value) when you sign up for the X & Y Communications Newsletter, which is always packed with unique and practical dating tips.

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Top 10 Excuses People Make For Dating Failure (Part One)
by: Scot McKay

One of the most unfortunate truths in the dating world is that a disproportionately large number of single adults have actually given up on dating completely. Interestingly, some such people really have no concrete answer as to why this is. Others are readily able to come up with an excuse or two (or ten). Either way, it's tragic that so many people voluntarily choose a life without any chance of meeting a "significant other".

My personal feeling is that just about any one of us walking this planet could theoretically join the throng of those who have thrown in the towel on dating. Each one of us could cite some excuse of our own and be done with it-after all, nobody's perfect.

Yet there are plenty of people who experience wild success in the dating world despite their own subset of imperfections. The secret is figuring out what negative thoughts are theoretically limiting us and addressing them effectively.

While there are an infinite number of reasons people can cite for dating failure, there's a definite "Top Ten List" of excuses people tend to cling to for dating failure. Today we'll consider the first five:

1) Physical Limitations

While it's always a great idea to be in the best shape one can and to make some effort with regard to one's appearance, it's shocking how many people cite a relatively minor physical imperfection and automatically assume nobody will be interested in dating them. Ironically, many of what we see as "limitations" may be "perfect imperfections" in the eyes of a beholder.

2) Advanced Age

It's not uncommon to believe one is "too old" to date. Amazingly, this sentiment can present itself as early as 28 or 30 years of age for some people! Meanwhile, a simple look around shows that there are "newlyweds" of all ages out there. Logically, of course, all of these people had to start dating somewhere…and it probably wasn't years and years ago! Interesting, despite the stereotype of older guys dating younger women I find that men and women make this excuse in equal numbers.

3) Kids

How many single parents exclude themselves from the dating pool using their kids as an excuse? Many claim that they are just waiting until the kids "leave the nest" before dating again. This could mean ten or twenty years from now! Something tells me that someone who plays this card will simply utilize a different excuse after the kids are finally out of the house (maybe the one above?). Other single parents claim that "nobody will accept them and their kids as a package deal". Hey, how about all the other single parents out there? Would they not relate better to another single parent? If you are one also why deny them the chance to meet you?

4) Games

If you've been lied to, cheated on and / or stood up repeatedly it's easy to call it quits on dating just to make sure it doesn't happen again. How about asking key questions of prospective dates up front instead? Find out what others are looking for from a relationship and encourage honesty. If you've been stood up some, call out "flakiness" in the very conversation in which the first date is arranged. These options, although very direct, are a lot more comfortable than spending life alone.

5) Finances

"Women want rich guys and I don't make enough money." "Dating is too expensive." "I can't afford a babysitter". Yawn. Whatever happened to assuming the best from someone else? Not all women are "gold diggers". Likewise, if a single parent is financially strapped enough that hiring a babysitter is out of the question, it's not uncommon for a potential suitor to volunteer to cover the cost. Although it may be uncomfortable to accept such an offer, consider that denying it means you are depriving someone of the chance to date you…which is what he or she clearly prefers or the offer wouldn't have been extended.

Already you may be getting the idea that it's easy for just about anyone to pick an excuse and run with it-and that each one is often merely a front for remaining in one's "comfort zone". Indeed, dating is not for lazy people. Leaving that "comfort zone" is prerequisite for conquering fears or feeling of inadequacy and taking direct control of one's future happiness.

Stay tuned for part two of this three part series next week.


About The Author

Scot McKay's dating strategies are found at http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/ . Stop by right now and grab a FREE e-book ($20 value) when you sign up for the X & Y Communications Newsletter, which is always packed with unique and practical dating tips.


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Affirmations To Give Yourself a Break this Christmas
by: Rebeckh Burns

Once upon a time the celebration of Christmas evoked a warm relaxed feeling. In today’s world it seems more like a manic, overly stimulated blur. We get pressure from all angles! Finishing off our last projects at work, not to mention the Christmas party, spending endless amounts of cash, overeating, organizing everything, dealing with the in-laws, and keeping the kids entertained during their holidays. This leaves us little or no time to remember the true meaning of Christmas.

However all the over stimulation can be quite fun. It gives us a buzz to have everyone united at this time, reflect on loved ones, catch up with friends and eat yummy food. But if you’re a mess then you won’t be much fun to be around, so don’t feel guilty, treat yourself, be yourself, don’t lose yourself in the madness remember balance is the key.

So here are a few tips for staying sane amongst all of the chaos. First of all don’t skimp on anything for yourself. Book a facial or a massage right now! And make sure that you give yourself the time space to enjoy some precious time for you. Then plan and budget for the next three weeks, don’t forget your Spa treatments! Buy yourself a gift, a fabulous new outfit, don’t spend all your money on everyone else. When you feel good you will project happiness and everyone else will react to this positively. When you start neglecting yourself and giving all your energy to everyone else people will pick up on this and reflect negatively.

Start planning early and buying some extras with your weekly shopping, so that you start to build a stash of goodies in the pantry. The same goes for presents. Instead of stressing at the last minute and making a mad rush to the shops with all the other midnight shoppers, start planning now and put things away. If you are finding it hard to make ends meet. Remember that things always have a habit of working out and you need to affirm this, it is universal law.

A lot of people see money slipping through their fingers during this time and don’t know how to control there spending or feel guilty from spending money. What you need to remember with this is that money will always be replenished, keep open to abundance and practice those abundance and prosperity affirmations!

Another difficulty common at Christmas time is dealing with relies. The key to dealing with negative people or situations is to remember that it is your reaction not Great Aunt Mildred, that is actually causing you grief.

Put a white protective aura of pure white light around yourself when you come into contact with a frosty neighbor or a negative relative and don’t let other people’s energy and words get under your skin. Life is to short, they have the problem not you, but it’s how you react that will cause you the problem.

With children, make sure you share the load with other people. If you are currently a single parent call on the services of a close friend or a grand parent to give you a bit of space.

Key things to remember – Start planning your Christmas day menu early, book yourself some treats and put a new outfit into your budget. Start budgeting for presents and making a list of what you will need and who for. Send positive energy to people that are negative. If you only react with a positive attitude this gives you far more personal power than a negative person. Plan to spend time resting and rejuvenating.

Affirmations for stress, prosperity and positive protection from negativity.

I am calm, confident and at peace with my life
Prosperity based on the power of the universe exists in me now and always
Prosperity is my natural state and a part of my mind and my life
I expect unexpected good things to happen to me this day and everyday
Perfect health is now mine
I send out a white protective aura of pure white light around myself
Any negativity I may be experiencing is just a transitional stage leading to greater good
Any negative energy that is directed at me is immediately meet and dissipated with positive energy

About The Author

With a Ph.D. in Metaphysics, Rebeckh Burns realised through her research the dehabilitating effects of negative thoughts.

You can find out more about Rebeckh and her range of Meditation Music - Affirmation CDs and Visualization Content at your website.
http://www.flameproducts.com

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Hard to Change?
by: Miami Phillips

How many times in the past have you tried to change something about you?

Have you read an article discussing the benefits of time management and made a promise to your Self to follow the steps? Or, maybe the last seminar or teleclass you attended had some great ideas for changing your financial standing. Writing a book? Losing some weight? Self improvement?

How far did you get?

Don't worry, you are not alone. Most of us at one point or another decide to do something for ourselves or someone else. We have the best intentions in mind. We might even make some changes towards our goals, and go so far as to take some action steps. Have you ever bought an exercise machine? Yes, me too.

What happens to us? Why is it so hard to make these changes? There are several reasons.

The first and hardest challenge is our old friend the ego. Our ego is completely happy right where it is. Furthermore our ego absolutely hates changes and will go to great lengths to convince you that change is the worst idea you ever had. In fact, your ego will actually fabricate fear and pain in order to keep the status quo!

We have all heard it takes 21 days to create a new habit. We could change the statement to: it takes 21 days to break our ego of its old habits!

Another challenge is our network of friends and family. They don't want us to change either. If you change, they have to change as well. Since they know you as you are, if you change to something new they will have to adapt to the new you. Now your friends and families' egos are all up in arms too!

So how do we change?

1. Find a group to help you. Get some new friends who think like you. Find someone you know who is already doing what you are doing.

2. Plan your change carefully. If you have a plan to follow, it is much simpler to keep to your path. Blindly stumbling around attempting to make changes allows your ego way too many chances to throw blocks in your road.

3. Use a calendar to track your progress, and to make your plan. Review and celebrate your accomplishments as you reach them. We tend not to look back at where we have been. You will need the encouragement as you reward your Self. Review your calendar daily to remind you of your steps to come.

Make room in your schedule and do these crucial-to-your-future tasks first!.

Here is the last thing to remember about change. It is sometimes better to change gradually than all at once. If you hold a vision of what you want the changes to look like, set a plan to get there, and take action on a regular basis, one day you will realize you are living your vision.

Of course by then, you will have another, different, and better vision.

Your Coach and online friend,

Miami

Miami Phillips
Helping others find their path - and stay on it. www.creativemasterminds.com

Quotation of the Week "Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change."— Confucius

About The Author
Miami Phillips is an ANSIR Certified Personal Coach and the founder of Creative MasterMinds who believes personal growth is an essential ingredient to being happy and contributing to this world. While his main focus is affordable personal and business coaching, he also offers motivational teleclasses, ebooks, reading recommendations and much more. To find out more visit his site at http://www.creativemasterminds.com or send him an email at coach@creativemasterminds.com

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How to Find the Perfect Gifts for Everyone On Your List
by: Chris Robertson

With the holidays just around the corner, many people are wracking their brains, trying to think of the perfect gifts for every person on their list. It can be hard to find gifts that convey the right emotional tone and that the recipient will enjoy. Here, then, are tips to find the perfect gifts for everyone on your list.

Friend, Family or Colleague?

First, write down the name of every person for whom you'd like to (or are obligated to) buy a gift. Next, give each person a rating on a scale of one to five, depending on how close they are to your intimate inner circle. If it helps, draw a series of five concentric circles, with the center circle representing those who know your dreams and aspirations and experience your joys and tribulations as they happen. The outer circle represents those people who may not know the "real" you, such as your boss or a business associate. There may be people on your list, such as your child's teacher, who isn't close to you, but who has made a tremendous difference in your child's life. Even though she may not know you well, you might decide to put her name in the second circle.

The reason for this exercise is to keep things in perspective when choosing gifts. It's all too easy to get swept up in the excitement of shopping, and select an inappropriately intimate gift for someone to whom you're not that close. Rating each person can seem calculating, but it will prevent you from buying lingerie for your pastor's wife!

Practical vs. Whimsical

The next step is deciding which people on your list would enjoy practical gifts, which would appreciate whimsical gifts, and which could go either way. So, put a "P" (for "practical"), a "W" (for "whimsical"), or a "PW" (for "practical or whimsical") next to each name. Women who are practical might enjoy a handbag or a blender, while those who are whimsical would appreciate jewelry and painted glass. Those who straddle the fence might find leather goods appealing, since they're both practical and luxurious.

The man who's whimsical might enjoy any number of personal electronics, such as a gaming system or DVD player. A practical man who's into cars, on the other hand, would appreciate a car alarm or even automotive parts. A man with a foot planted in both camps might enjoy something like a radar detector, a headset, or a telephone.

The Zen of Shopping

When you have many people on your gift list, it's important to keep yourself from getting caught up in shopping mania - going to the mall and grabbing whatever's available. Now that you have a list that has helped you define your relationships and determined the kinds of gifts each person might enjoy, why not take your time and shop online? Online mega malls have tens of thousands of items that would make perfect gifts. Best of all, they're often available at wholesale prices and the online stores can dropship them in a matter of a few days. No hassles, no worries, and your holiday shopping is complete!

About The Author

Chris Robertson is a published author of Majon International. Majon International is one of the worlds MOST popular internet marketing and internet advertising companies on the web. Visit their main business resource web site at: http://www.majon.com

To learn more about subjects like Gifts please visit the web site at: http://365megamall.eordersonline.com/

For more information and informative related articles and links about this subject matter and content, please visit Majon's Gifts and Collectibles directory: http://www.majon.com/directory/Gifts_and_Collectibles

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Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage
by: Dr. Robert Huizenga

Hearing that your cheating spouse is “in love” with someone else is devastating. I hear often, “I can handle her having sex with someone else. I think I can live with that. But, for her to give herself emotionally and “love” someone else…man, that is hard.” (Feel free to substitute the word he for she in this article.)

What can you specifically do to increase the odds of saving the marriage?

So often the offended spouse reacts with intense feelings and pulls out all stops to “win her back.”

He applies pressure. Begs. Cajoles. Makes promises. Gets in her face. Sends flowers. Arranges for dates. Talks to her family and friends. Calls her on the phone. Asks questions… daily, sometimes hourly. He is on her like a fly on doo-doo.

It doesn’t work.Why? Well, for one reason she has found all the stimulation and excitement she supposedly needs in her new found “love.”

At a deeper level this is confusing enough for the cheating husband or cheating wife. Any additional input will be overwhelming and she is liable to close the door on the marriage even further. Plus, she is really looking for some stability, some solid centered core that will hold her firm when the wind of drama entices her and blows around her.

If you bombard her with your neediness, you are certainly not the person who can help her in ways she really seeks.

She also is liable to create a polarity and begin comparing you to him. With your neediness dripping all over you, you don’t stand a very good chance of coming out on top. Sorry!

Here’s a tactic that helps solve the dilemma and gives you a greater chance of saving the marriage.It’s called “back off!”

Stop pressing. Slow down the pace. Be silent – most of the time. Stop making requests. Stop asking questions. Stop trying to wiggle out some assurance. Stop being a pain!

Remember, this “in love” state will fade. You need to have the confidence that it will. You need patience. The relationship will run its course.

She needs the space. She needs some quiet moments to truly hear herself and face the emptiness within. There will be a voice within her that says, “This will not last. Is this what I really want? At some time I must live in the real world. Where is this taking me? Is this where I really want to go? Why am I so dependent on him? Why do I feel this empty pit in my stomach when I’m not with him? What does this say about me?”

This is her opportunity to learn about TRUE love. Don’t get in her way.

I know. I know. This is easier said than done. But, you must do it. It is vitally important that you learn to quiet yourself, control yourself and keep on the straight and narrow path.

At this point with those I coach, I teach them a skill called "charging neutral" to help "back off." Use that skill.This will take some effort. It might take some coaching or therapy. It most likely will demand that you get to know yourself better, that you gain more confidence in you – apart from what she does with him – that you build a strong foundation under yourself that can weather any storm.

This is your opportunity to grow to another level.

Oh, by the way. She will notice! And….she might like it.

Backing off does not mean that you don’t have anything to do with her. Quite the contrary. You want to maintain your contact with her, but it will be QUALITY contact. It will be contact that does honor to you, confronts her with the reality of her decisions and works toward resolution for the marriage.

Summary: Less often means more when facing emotional infidelity. Learning a specific skill such as "backing off" enhances one's chance to save the marriage.

About The Author
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com.

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Improve Your Self Confidence In 15 Minutes
by: Mark Tyrrell

I used to be frighteningly under confident in social situations. And although people who know me now would never believe I used to doubt myself so much I literally had to learn confidence until it became a natural part of me. I can tell you relaxed optimistic confidence is just, well so much more fun.

Here I'll tell you about the things that made the most difference to my confidence levels...

Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but everybody can learn to be more confident and

Firstly, it's important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means, otherwise you won't know when you've got it! So, self confidence means:

1) Being calm. For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate level of emotion. Too much emotional ‘leakage’ into a experience can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.

2) Being cool. The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax with uncertainty. To be ‘cool’ in a situation really means relaxing with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.

3) Not being too concerned with what others think of you. You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like before you go there but when you get there it is totally different to your imagination? That’s how reliable your imagination is! Stop trusting your imagination so much. I’ve long since stopped bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often I've turned out to be wrong.

4) Being specific - where do you want confidence? ‘Confidence’ is meaningless until you tie it to something specific. You are already confident that you can read these words or can switch a light on and off. So you don’t need more confidence everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your life? Think about the specific situations now and write them down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.

5) Understanding that what you expect is what you get

Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards. When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you’ve tried to recall someone’s name but can’t, hours later you’ll often find their name pops into your head.

The ‘trying to recall’ experience set the task or blueprint for your brain’s future subconscious behaviour which eventually produced the name for you - when you weren’t thinking about it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.

6) Don’t task your mind with negatives. Instead of: ‘I don’t want to screw up' (which sets the task of ‘screwing up’ for your brain), set the blueprint for what you do want! Your brain doesn’t work towards what to do by being told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural tool to set the right task blueprints with.

7) Use nature's goal-setter: Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for you brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis will strongly ‘program’ the right blueprint in your mind through the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling confident and relaxed while in a relaxed hypnotic state it will be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.

3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:

1) Think specifically of the time/place/situation you want to feel confident in. Remember ‘confidence’ doesn’t mean anything until you attach it to something specific.

2) Focus on words in your mind right now that describe how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words such as ‘calm’, ‘relaxed’ or ‘focused’. Remember your brain works on clear positive instructions.

3) Close your eyes for as long as you like and think about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed. This way you set the right blueprint or ‘task’ for your unconscious mind.

You can repeat this often to make it more effective and use it with as many areas of your life as you need to. If you listen to a hypnotic cd or download that can make the benefits even more powerful (see my profile below). So if you feel like you’d be blessed with less confidence than some other people you can start redressing the balance by using your mind in the right way right now.

It took me years to learn how to be more confident - now you can do it in a fraction of the time. Good luck!

Copyright 2005 Uncommon Knowledge Ltd

Uncommon Knowledge Ltd

About The Author

Mark Tyrrell is Creative Director of Uncommon Knowledge Ltd and is so confident these days he regularly trains audiences of hundreds. To help you build your confidence quickly, he has created this self confidence booster hypnosis download
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Body Language Secrets You Need to Know
by: Royane Real

Some body language experts claim that only about 7% of our messages to other people are communicated through the words we speak. The rest of our messages are conveyed through our body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions.

During your entire life you have been sending messages to others through your posture, gestures, and facial expressions.

Even if you never say a word, your face and body are constantly sending out messages to other people about your state of mind, your happiness, and your level of confidence.

When you were an infant, before you learned to speak, people were peering into your little baby face, looking at your gestures, and listening to your little cries and gurgles, trying to decipher what kind of mood you were in, and what you were trying to say.

And you have been reacting to the body language, voice tone, and facial expressions of the people around you all your life, even though you may not have been consciously aware of it.

What sorts of messages are you conveying to others with your body language? Does your body language encourage other people to approach you? Or do you subconsciously warn them to stay away?

How do you usually stand or sit when you are with other people? What are you doing with your hands? Where are you looking with your eyes?

Does your face express interest in the people you are with, or does your face stay a tense, stony mask?

When you are sitting or standing, do you usually cross your arms across your chest? If this is your typical way of standing or sitting, how do you think other people interpret this posture? Did you realize that most people will subconsciously interpret your arms crossed in front of your chest as a signal that you don’t want anyone to approach you? Only the bravest souls are likely to come forward when you adopt this posture.

If you stand awkwardly, with your chest slumped forward, your shoulders drooping, and your eyes avoiding everyone else, people are likely to decide you are very depressed or completely lacking in confidence. They may fear that trying to talk with you will be an awkward experience.

When you stand awkwardly, you do not project any sign that you are confident in yourself, or that you have any interest in the people around you. Instead you look like you are trying to disappear.

No matter how desperately you want someone to come over and befriend you, if your body language projects awkwardness or disinterest in others, it’s not very likely that many people will try to start a conversation with you.

If some body language signals can frighten people away, are there signals that will encourage people to come forward and approach you? Yes, you can look much more approachable to others if you adopt body language that is open and non-threatening.

Whether you are sitting or standing, aim for a posture that is upright and alert, yet relaxed. If you notice that your chest or shoulders are slumping, straighten up.

Become aware of the way you are breathing. Does your breath move in and out smoothly? Or does it move with jerky little stops and starts?

If you notice that you are holding your breath, or breathing in a shallow, jerky manner, this is a sign of anxiety. When you breathe shallowly, you have to breathe more often, which can increase your appearance of nervousness. Consciously tell all the muscles of your body to relax. Use your abdomen to help you breathe smoothly and deeply. Let the bottom part of your lungs fill up with air as well as the top.

What are you doing with your hands? If you get nervous in social situations, you may feel that no matter what you do with your hands, it’s the wrong thing. Many people who cross their arms in front of their chest are probably doing so at least in part because they don’t know where else to put their hands.

You should never cross your arms in front of your chest unless you really don’t want anybody to approach you. That is the message this gesture sends out.

If you want to look open and approachable, keep your arms at your sides, or put one hand in your pocket. If you want to hold something in one hand, keep your hand at the side of your body, and not in front of you. Holding your arm in front of your body can be seen as a signal that you want to defend yourself against other people.

Stay aware of and focused on your surroundings and the people around you. If you find yourself tuning out your surroundings, you will start to focus too much on your negative inner sensations and thoughts. This can quickly increase your anxiety to a very uncomfortable level.

What sort of facial expression should you have if you want people to approach you?

In most cases, a gentle, pleasant smile should do the trick. Too much of a smile that never softens can look forced and nervous. A pleasant smile with a twinkle in your eyes will convey the impression that chatting with you will be a pleasant experience.

About The Author

This article is taken from the new book by Royane Real titled "How You Can Have All the Friends You Want - Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends" If you want a better social life and more friends in your life, download it today at www.royanereal.com.

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Women Hold Up Half the Sky
by: Arthur Buchanan

Women and Mental Health Research

Mental illnesses affect women and men differently. Some disorders are more common in women, and some express themselves with different symptoms. Scientists are only now beginning to tease apart the contribution of various biological and psychosocial factors to mental health and mental illness in both women and men. In addition, researchers are currently studying the special problems of treatment for serious mental illness during pregnancy and the postpartum period. Research on women's health has grown substantially in the last 20 years. Today's studies are helping to clarify the risk and protective factors for mental disorders in women and to improve women's mental health treatment outcome.

Depressive Disorders

In the U.S., nearly twice as many women (12.0 percent) as men (6.6 percent) are affected by a depressive disorder each year.1 These figures translate to 12.4 million women and 6.4 million men. Depressive disorders include major depression, dysthymic disorder (a less severe but more chronic form of depression), and bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness). Major depression is the leading cause of disease burden among females ages 5 and older worldwide.

Depressive disorders raise the risk for suicide. Although men are four times more likely than women to die by suicide, women report attempting suicide about two to three times as often as men. Self-inflicted injury, including suicide, ranks 9th out of the 10 leading causes of disease burden for females ages 5 and older worldwide.

Research shows that before adolescence and late in life, females and males experience depression at about the same frequency. Because the gender difference in depression is not seen until after puberty and decreases after menopause, scientists hypothesize that hormonal factors are involved in women's greater vulnerability. Stress due to psychosocial factors, such as multiple roles in the home and at work and the increased likelihood of women to be poor, at risk for violence and abuse, and raising children alone, also plays a role in the development of depression.

While many women report some history of premenstrual mood changes and physical symptoms, an estimated 3 to 4 percent suffer severe symptoms that significantly interfere with work and social functioning. This impairing form of premenstrual syndrome, also called Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), appears to be an abnormal response to normal hormone changes. Researchers are studying what makes some women susceptible to PMDD, including differences in hormone sensitivity, history of other mood disorders, and individual differences in the function of brain chemical messenger systems.

Antidepressant medications known to work via serotonin circuits are effective in relieving the premenstrual symptoms. Women with susceptibility to depression may be more vulnerable to the mood-shifting effects of hormones.

Postpartum depression is a serious disorder where the hormonal changes following childbirth combined with psychosocial stresses such as sleep deprivation may disable some women with an apparent underlying vulnerability. NIMH research is evaluating the use of antidepressant medication and psychosocial interventions following delivery to prevent postpartum depression in women with a history of this disorder.

NIMH researchers recently found that women who suffer depression as they enter the early stages of menopause (perimenopause) may find estrogen to be an alternative to traditional antidepressants. The efficacy of the female hormone was comparable to that usually reported with antidepressants in the first controlled study of its direct effects on mood in perimenopausal women meeting standardized criteria for depression.

Anxiety Disorders

Anxiety disorders, which include panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), phobias, and generalized anxiety disorder, affect an estimated 13.3 percent of Americans ages 18 to 54 in a given year, or about 19.1 million adults in this age group. Women outnumber men in each illness category except for OCD and social phobia, in which both sexes have an equal likelihood of being affected.

Results from an NIMH-supported survey showed that female risk of developing PTSD following trauma is twice that of males. PTSD is characterized by persistent symptoms of fear that occur after experiencing events such as rape or other criminal assault, war, child abuse, natural disasters, or serious accidents. Nightmares, flashbacks, numbing of emotions, depression and feeling angry, irritable, or distracted and being easily startled are common. Females also are more likely to develop long-term PTSD than males and have higher rates of co-occurring medical and psychiatric problems than males with the disorder.

Eating Disorders

Females comprise the vast majority of people with an eating disorder?anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, or binge-eating disorder. In their lifetime, an estimated 0.5 to 3.7 percent of females suffer from anorexia and an estimated 1.1 to 4.2 percent suffer from bulimia. An estimated 2 to 5 percent experience binge-eating disorder in a 6-month period. Eating disorders are not due to a failure of will or behavior; rather, they are real, treatable illnesses. In addition, eating disorders often co-occur with depression, substance abuse, and anxiety disorders, and also cause serious physical health problems. Eating disorders call for a comprehensive treatment plan involving medical care and monitoring, psychotherapy, nutritional counseling, and medication management. Studies are investigating the causes of eating disorders and effectiveness of treatments.

Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia is the most chronic and disabling of the mental disorders, affecting about 1 percent of women and men worldwide. In the U.S., an estimated 2.2 million adults ages 18 and older, about half of them women, have schizophrenia. The illness typically appears earlier in men, usually in their late teens or early 20s, than in women, who are generally affected in their 20s or early 30s. In addition, women may have more depressive symptoms, paranoia, and auditory hallucinations than men and tend to respond better to typical antipsychotic medications. A significant proportion of women with schizophrenia experience increased symptoms during pregnancy and postpartum.

Alzheimer's Disease

The main risk factor for developing Alzheimer's disease (AD), a dementing brain disorder that leads to the loss of mental and physical functioning and eventually to death, is increased age. Studies have shown that while the number of new cases of AD is similar in older adult women and men, the total number of existing cases is somewhat higher among women. Possible explanations include that AD may progress more slowly in women than in men; that women with AD may survive longer than men with AD; and that men, in general, do not live as long as women and die of other causes before AD has a chance to develop. Research is being conducted to find ways to prevent the onset of AD and to slow its progression.

Caregivers of a person with AD are usually family members. Often wives and daughters. The chronic stress often associated with the care-giving role can contribute to mental health problems; indeed, caregivers are much more likely to suffer from depression than the average person is. Since women in general are at greater risk for depression than men are, female caregivers of people with AD may be particularly vulnerable to depression.

About The Author

Arthur Buchanan

Listen to Arthur Buchanan on the Mike Litman Show!
http://freesuccessaudios.com/Artlive.mp3 THIS LINK WORKS, LISTEN TODAY!

With Much Love,
Arthur Buchanan
President/CEO
Out of Darkness & Into the Light
43 Oakwood Ave. Suite 1012
Huron Ohio, 44839
www.out-of-darkness.com
www.adhdandme.com
www.biologicalhappiness.com
567-219-0994 (cell)
arthur@out-of-darkness.com

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The Simple Secret for Making More Friends
by: Royane Real

When you meet new people for the first time, do you usually like most of the new people that you meet?

Or do you find that you usually dislike new people, unless they can eventually prove after a long time that they deserve your friendship?

Perhaps you have never thought about this before. And you may even wonder if it’s really important. Does it really matter very much if you like most people when you first meet them, or if you decide to like them much later, after you get to know them better?

Your attitude to the new people you encounter will actually have a big impact on the number of friends you make, and the social life you enjoy.

Why? Because the attitude you have when you first meet somebody will affect the way that you treat those people, and the impression you make on them.

Many people who are lonely and have a hard time making friends have a surprising thing in common. When they meet new people they are often very judgmental and mentally they look for reasons to dislike the person they have just met.

When you have the attitude of liking someone you have just met, they will feel pleased to know you and will want to know you better. They will probably sense that you like them, and they will be more inclined to judge you in a kind and positive way.

If you like most of the people you encounter, you will have a far larger group of people in your friendship pool. When you genuinely like other people, they will be much more inclined to like you back.

On the other hand, when you don’t like people when you meet them, they will feel uncomfortable in your presence and will want to avoid you. They may sense that you don’t like them. They may even decide to dislike you in return. Every person that you dislike will automatically be excluded from the pool of people who can become your friends.

When you don’t like the majority of people that you meet, your friendship pool for making friends is much smaller.

If there is one secret to having friends, it’s a simple one, and here it is: Like Other People!

If you dislike almost everyone you meet, how many friends do you think you will make with this attitude? Very few of us want to get closer to a person when we sense that he doesn’t like us.

If you usually operate with a big long mental list of reasons to reject others, you will assume that other people are also deciding to reject you. If you routinely dislike other people because you are looking for their flaws, you won’t believe that others can really like you. When you reject other people for trivial reasons, you will also assume that others will reject you for trivial reasons.

This negative attitude will make you very suspicious when you encounter others, since you will be anticipating rejection from other people at any moment.

Wouldn’t it be easier and more effective to give everyone a break?

When you meet other people, give other people a break, and give yourself a break too.

When you meet people for the first time, start out with the assumption that most people you encounter are nice human beings and worthy of your friendship. You can choose to believe that just about everybody you meet actually likes you, and that you like most other people. People who are very socially confident and have a lot of friends tend to have this attitude.

If this hasn’t been your attitude so far, you can work to change it.

How can you change this?

Whenever you meet someone new, actively look for things to like in that person. Look for their interesting and unique qualities. Suspend your need to judge and analyze others, and simply meet them as ordinary human beings who are struggling and evolving, and making their way through life, just like you. Find things that you like about each person, and let yourself feel that you actually like them.

You will find that when your attitude changes, the world will become a friendlier place, because you have become a friendlier person.

About The Author

This article is written by Royane Real, author of "How You Can Have All the Friends You Want – Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends" If you want to improve your social life, download it today at http://www.royanereal.com.

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Let's Get to the Bottom of Low Self-Esteem
by: Rosella Aranda

If you suffer from low self-esteem, it’s because you don’t know yourself well enough to appreciate how basically wonderful you are. This is not empty flattery. It is true.

Sadly, many of us are totally estranged from ourselves, from what really makes us tick. This ignorance of our true nature results in relentless self-sabotage of both our work lives and all our relationships with people.

Whether you call it fear of failure or fear of success, self-sabotage can manifest in any number of ways. These behaviors run the gamut from seemingly harmless quirks to extreme masochistic behaviors. Here’s a small assortment:

* constant tardiness
* clumsiness, accident proneness
* failure to keep promises or honor commitments
* staying stuck in an unfulfilling job
* perfectionism
* feeling like a fraud, afraid that you’ll be exposed
* feeling empty, hollow despite outward success
* workaholism
* consistently poor choice of partners
* being a jack of all trades, master of none
* not knowing what you want to be “when you grow up”
* life-threatening addictions
* self-mutilation

Self-sabotage, no matter how it sneaks in, ultimately results in not allowing ourselves to get what we want. Why? The bottom line is that we feel we don’t deserve it.

To overcome the effects of low self-esteem, it is not enough to recognize that we have it. We need to understand WHY we have it. We must get in touch with who and what we genuinely are rather than who and what we think we are.

We Must Clean Out Our Mental Filter

We must sniff out the internalized messages from family and society that hinder our progress. This is imperative, for it is through these core beliefs that all other ideas are filtered.

We cannot just slap a new behavior or some positive thinking onto a flawed subconscious belief. Until the core beliefs are rectified, our progress will be spotty and short-lived at best.

We absolutely must examine how these core beliefs came into being. You guessed it. We need to go rummaging through our early childhood experiences.

I can hear it already. “Oh, no, don’t give me that ‘Poor Little Kid’ routine!”

Okay, I won’t. Instead, I’ll give you the “Who IS This Little Kid?” routine.

When we go delving into our past to determine the underlying dynamics of our psyches, the goal is:

* Not to cast blame
* Not to pass judgment
* Not to fob off our responsibility onto someone else

We’re not looking for what is good or what is bad, but simply what IS.

It is vital that we grant ourselves permission to look closely at what happened to us as very young children. We are searching for clues to the Truth of our early history.

Our goal is simply to appreciate our own personal saga and become fonder of ourselves in the process. As we do so, we will automatically feel more entitled to be happy and fulfilled in both our work and love lives.

That is our ultimate goal, and a worthier goal could not be had.

Where Else Do You Think You Can Look?

If your first reaction is to dismiss this idea as something you’ve heard about before, be aware that “knowing about” something is a far cry from understanding it or applying it.

And if you’re one of the many who think you “don’t need to go there,” just know that you won’t find your personal truth anywhere else.

Whether self-sabotage is ruining our lives or just quietly making us miserable, a start on the road to overcoming these self-defeating behaviors can be undertaken on our own.

If we should get stuck along the road, professional help through private therapists, clinics, and school or job counselors is generally available.

Once the underlying dynamics of our self-defeating behaviors are exposed and dealt with, it will be much easier to stop self-defeating behaviors in their tracks, before they have a chance to undermine us.

Once we reintegrate all of our personal power back into our lives, a whole new vista of possibilities opens up before us. This is a deeply exhilarating experience that none of us should miss.

About The Author

Rosella Aranda, Editor, Author of Sabotage Thyself No More, an excellent guide to getting rid of self-defeating behaviors. http://www.SabotageThyselfNoMore.com/ Free mini-course! http://www.FromThoughtsToRiches.com/ Know How to Be Rich

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The Triggers Of Anger
by: Burt Cotton

Triggers are what interrupts emotions and causes us to become angry. When we learn our triggers, we are taking a step in the right direction to control our emotions. First, we need to weed through the roots of anger to determine the problem. If you have obsessive anger, outbursts you might want to get a physical to eliminate chemical or physical roots of your anger.

Next, you will go to a mental health expert to eliminate mental illnesses that are often the root of anger. After you have done step one and two and the problem does not lie between mental illness and physical then you will need to attend anger management classes. Obviously, you have no control over your emotions; therefore, you will need to learn techniques that help you to cope better with your fears, frustrations, anxiety, depression and emotions. This will help you to move ahead in life and gain control of your anger.

You might want to ask your self what you are afraid of or what are the triggers of your anger? You might review the thoughts carefully to see if you anger is justifiable. Are you afraid to speak up and protect your rights? Is there something in your past that leads you to worry obsessively and enforce your anger? Maybe you were a victim of some incident in your past or you witnessed something that disturbed your conscious and you rambled through life without dealing with the stressor.

Regardless, you are affected somehow and your emotions are not cooperating with your thoughts. Some of us fret over things that are out of our control. For example, many of worry about growing old or dying, which is not in our hands to worry about? We all are growing older each day and it is a part of life that is out of our control. Likewise, we are all at risk of dying. It is how you deal with that makes or breaks your success. Accepting that you are growing old is the first step to eliminating worry that leads to anger.

Take the fear and reverse by telling your self that age is a factor of life that we all must face, yet I have some control. If I exercise, eat right, and take care of my skin then I may not look in the mirror when I am sixty and see an extremely wrinkled face and sagging skin. Likewise, if you know that you are dying and cannot do nothing about it, remember the more you take care of your mind and body the longer you will live.

Some of us worry about tomorrow and how we will manage to survive the next day. If you worry about tomorrow, you are missing what today can bring. No one has control of tomorrow and to worry about something that is out of our hands is wasting time and energy. If you have problems with worry, you might want to remember that today is another day and thank the Lord that you are breathing.

Worry is a form of selfishness, since you are anticipating a problem that may or may not occur. Some of us fear that we will go insane if our problems continue to escalate. This fear is not justifiable because you cannot predict your mind. Your mind may feel at wits ends, but you have control to handle your emotions if you reach inside your self and face your fears. Now we can review triggers by seeing that unjust and justifiable triggers are linked to emotions, which causes anger.

We might find that we are responsible for our emotions and failed to take charge of them, allowing them to rule our lives. We might even find a source in the past that invoked our emotions and promoted an undeveloped mind. When you find your triggers and review your problems, you are taking charge of your anger and your life will prove fruitful for your efforts. Triggers are objects, words, pictures, sound, taste, smell and when a person is triggered to anger, they often react either positively or negatively to the source.

About The Author

Burt Cotton http://www.anger-management-help.org

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Handing The Bat To Joe DiMaggio
By Steve Amoia

An American Cultural Icon

If you ever played baseball, the mystical name of DiMaggio was as familiar as the crack of the bat, or the thud of the ball hitting the back of the catcher's mitt. Just like cold beer, hot dogs, and the seventh inning stretch, Joe DiMaggio was an integral part of American baseball tradition and lore.

If you grew up Italian as I did, you never referred to him as Joe or DiMaggio. It was always Mr. DiMaggio. He became an American icon; however, to Italian-Americans, he represented much more than the perfect swing, the graceful strides, or "The Streak" that would make him immortal. Mr. DiMaggio embodied what our people could achieve despite discrimination and media stereotypes that unfortunately still linger even today.

Giuseppe Paolo DiMaggio was born in Martinez, California, on 25 November 1920. He was the eighth of nine children born to Giuseppe and Rosalie, who were immigrants from the Sicilian island of Isola della Femmina (Island of the Women.) His father was a fisherman; however, young Joe did not like the rigors of Fisherman's Wharf. He preferred to play on the sandlots of North Beach, which was and is an Italian section of San Francisco.

His father thought that Joe was lazy, and hoped that the allure of baseball would soon leave his son. Like most immigrant fathers, he wanted more for his children than a future of working the docks of San Francisco. But Joe was not an avid student, and at the age of 16, he dropped out of Galileo High School, and worked various laborer jobs for the next few years. He played semi-professional baseball for the San Francisco Seals, and in due course, was scouted and later signed by the New York Yankees.

Rare Childhood Opportunity

My father, Michael Amoia, had a rare opportunity as a child. His family lived near Griffith Stadium, which was at that time the home of the Washington Redskins and Senators. My father was very athletic, and competed in baseball and football for his high school, McKinley Technical. Somehow, and it remains a family mystery, my father obtained a job working for both the Redskins and Senators. My grandfather was not a sportsman, and one can imagine that few adolescents would have been brave enough to walk into the administrative offices of Griffith Stadium to ask for a job.

The ironic facet of this story was that few of his old friends knew about this part of his life. When I mentioned the anecdote during his eulogy, several of his friends approached me later with seeming disbelief. It was a part of my father’s life that was very private, but one that always fascinated me. During his life, he would mention DiMaggio on occasion.

I had an older cousin, Rob, who had heard the story in more detail. My father worked in the clubhouse for the Redskins, and was a batboy for the Washington Senators, where his domain was the visitor's dugout. He handed Joe DiMaggio his bat on several occasions. Dad was able to observe Mr. DiMaggio both on and off the field. The experience was imbued upon his memory. Even as my father developed Alzheimer’s Disease, the mere mention of Joe DiMaggio would bring a smile to his face.

Personal Reflections by Michael Amoia

Dad, what was he like? "He was a very quiet and private man. In the clubhouse, he didn't say much, and the other players left him alone. But you knew he was their leader. He had custom-made suits, and always looked sharp. He even looked good in those baggy uniforms they wore back then. He used to drink coffee and smoke Chesterfields between innings, and a few times I had to run out to by him smokes. You were told by the Senators to treat all the players the same, but with DiMaggio, it was a different story... His family was Sicilian. After the games, he used to sign balls for me. I sold them outside the stadium for $1. That was a lot of money in those days. That's how we were paid. We had to ask the players to sign balls or broken bats."

What made him great? "Instincts. He always seemed to do the right thing. You never saw him out of position in the outfield. He was quick as a cat. Strong arm. Didn't miss cutoff men. At bat, you never saw a smoother or quicker swing. Only Ted Williams was a better hitter. He could hit for power and for a high average. He was very graceful for a big man. He played each inning as if it were his last. I never saw him get angry."

Few of us could have such a childhood memory. It is said that youth is wasted on the young; however, in my father’s case, I would beg to differ.

Copyright © 2006 by Steve Amoia. All rights reserved. Photo courtesy of Wikipedia where it qualified as free use under U.S. copyright law.

About the author

Steve Amoia is a freelance writer and also designs personal web pages. He lives in the Washington, D.C. area. He has published articles and book reviews about alternative health, career-related themes, Italian and international soccer, along with martial arts. He also maintains a non-profit web site dedicated to World Football (soccer) that includes an interesting Argentine family connection made possible by the Internet. His writing portfolio, along with the soccer site, may be found at http://www.sanstefano.com, and his email address is info@sanstefano.com.

There Is No Excuse For Being Unhappy
by: Ineke Van Lint

Many people are living a life of sadness, despair, fear and anger, as if they were living in a basement with a very low ceiling. A cold, damp ceiling of dense concrete, keeping them down. There are no windows in this place, no sunshine coming in, no birds singing, no nightingales, no voices of children playing, no affection, no tenderness. Instead there are tons of misery, illness, sadness, anger, depression, fatigue, anxiety, doubt and low self-esteem.

How can you leave these gloomy quarters? How do you go back to the gentle sunlight? All you need to do is take a few steps up the staircase, and there you are: on the first floor, where there’s lots of light, love, abundance, joy, well-being and plenty of sunshine – even if it’s raining outside. All of this is just one floor away! One floor up, in fact.

Why is it so hard to leave the basement, to wake up from this nightmare, and to reach that place where you long to be, when it is just a few steps away? Because “they” have told you that this murky basement you’re living in is all there is, and you have taken their word for it. Who are “they” ? They are your parents, your teachers, people around you, TV shows you watch, newspapers you read, and so on.

You think this sad life in the basement is reality, and that love and excitement is the stuff that dreams are made of. My dear, you are living an illusion! You are living a huge misunderstanding, for it is exactly the other way around. It is the darkness that is the dream (a nightmare in fact), and Love and Light that is real.

Unfortunately, “they” never told you that real life is happening just a few steps up. They never told you that you are living in a nightmare. Why didn’t they tell you? Are they that sadistic? Didn’t they want you to be happy and healthy and abundant? Oh yes, they did! So why didn’t they tell you? Because they simply don’t know themselves! They too believe, and have believed for their whole life, that the lies they are living are the truth, that the nightmare is real. And so they couldn’t have told you anything else than the lies they themselves take for truth.

This handover of misunderstandings and lies has been going on for a very long time, generation after generation. Do you really want to stay under that ceiling, cramped and swamped in darkness and misery? Do you want your children to fall for these lies, “living” a “life” of discontent, heaviness and chronic disease? Or do you want to live one step beyond, a few steps up, being showered with love and feeling the sunshine on your face?

How do you get there? It’s right there!

You will have to stretch yourself a little bit to get there. You will have to take a serious look at your belief system and carefully examine the core beliefs that all of your thoughts are built upon. Then you will need to decide whether you will continue believing the lies they told you, or whether you will abandon those limiting ideas, make up your own mind, and take a shot at living in joy and excitement.

Stretch yourself, step out of your comfort zone. You will have to quit some bad habits and leave behind some of the people you used to hang out with. You can no longer dwell in negative energy vibrations once you have made up your mind that you want to live on a positive vibe.

How can you go one floor up and step back into the light? There are several things you can do! Take a walk in nature, listen to some uplifting music, read an inspiring book, attend workshops to develop your talents, discover your inner truth and your true nature in moments of silence, take your dreams serious and do whatever you can to realize them. Nurture your passions: sing, dance, paint, draw, make love with your loved one, connect with your guardian angel, look into the eyes of a child, play with your pets, make friends with the Universe, have a conversation with God (and with the neighbors), follow your own path, lift your vibration with therapies like Bach Flower Therapy, and so on. In a nutshell : surround yourself with people, objects and activities that have a high energy vibration and that makes your energy flow in your body. There is so much to enjoy!

There is so much you can do to uplift your energy vibration, that there is absolutely no excuse to stay underground. Unless you consciously choose to be loyal to those who tell you there is no fun in life, that this misery is just the way life is, that you have to accept it, and that the basement is the only room in the house. You have a choice to make: or you make it your priority to uplift your energy, or you stay where you are. It’s totally up to you! You have the freedom to choose. Since everybody can go upstairs, since access is denied to nobody, there really is no excuse not to go there…

You should do every day things that make you feel happy. It won't happen by itself. Make a list of what makes you feel smiling and what uplifts your energy, and start doing at least some of these things every day! You can, nobody withholds you!

Consider this: the effort needed to go up that staircase is no bigger than the effort needed to stay under that low ceiling, carrying a heavy load on your shoulders. The effort is the same but the results are vastly different! Staying where you are is wallowing in misery and pain. Going upstairs is telling the world you really believe you and everybody else deserve a life filled with light and enthusiasm! Your life is waiting for you! Go up there and get it! Don’t wait for it to happen by itself. Stand up, move your body, take action and do what makes you feel better!

Why not go up? The difference is enthusiasm!

About The Author

Written by Ineke Van Lint, psychologist. Live your life your way, full of joy, abundance and enthusiasm! Decide to be happy and go for it! Follow your dreams. Two free e-courses on http://www.theenthusiasm.com.

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Easy weight-loss - without a diet!
by: Michael McGrath

There are many different reasons why someone may want to lose weight. You may want to feel healthier, look better, fit into your old clothes or even have been advised by a medical practitioner to get in shape. However, if you are one of those people who battle constantly with your weight then you already know how hard it is to stick to a diet. In the majority of cases they just don't work!

All the current slimming pills and weight-loss fads are of extremely limited effectiveness. When you take into consideration the dangers of surgical procedures and the lack of long-term studies of new-fad diets a safe, reliable alternative is needed.

Although many claim that there are painless ways of losing weight the simple is truth is that weight-loss, like everything else worth achieving in life, requires some effort on your part. However there are techniques and tools to make your transition to health much more enjoyable and easy. A great example is the Paul McKenna famous system which was tested on British television with remarkable results. It didn't even involve hypnosis!

McKenna spent 13 years analyising the behaviours of naturally thin people in order to devise his weight-loss system and found some amazing things.

Every person has an inborn weight control mechanism, a set point that attempts to maintain a particular amount of fat on the body. Based on this premise Paul McKenna formulated his easy to use weight-loss system which as I mentioned earlier had an enormous beneficial affect on the British TV viewing public. He even allowed people to eat what they wanted and they still lost massive amounts of weight!

Normally when we go on a diet we are forcing the body to adjust to a new way of eating. This is in effect resisting the powerful totally natural urges the body has to prevent energy deficit. So appetite suppressants may help to reduce these drives, and forcing a change in eating habits may retrain the body and mind into a new eating regime but the body will still has these urges because they are inherent and totally natural.

In addition many people overeat due to stress or the desire to suppress negative emotions or feelings of discomfort. Everyone knows the classic 'comfort eater'. This is why the use of self hypnosis is so effective for weight-loss because it can retrain the mind to view food, fitness and eating in more healthy ways.

However, McKenna's research shows that, if you follow your own body's natural rhythm and don't force yourself into strict eating habits or deny yourself the food you want most then you will be much more successful at losing weight. By denyng yourself certain things you set up resistance and you will make it much more difficult to stick to your weight-loss plan. The mind is tricky and I am sure you will agree that you always want something more when you know that you can't have it!

The key is to stop denying yourself the foods you really enjoy but to at them in moderation. I know this is easier said than done but McKenna has some simple yet powerful techniques to ensure your success. Basically you can eat what you want!

Stop eating once your full! Many of us, myself included, tend to keep eating after our body has sent the brian the message "right stop eating I'm satisfied". We need to learn to recognise these signs and take heed of them.

Take an extra 15 minutes of exercise a day. Spread it over the day so it is achieved in very small steps and you will be burning up more calories.

All the current slimming pills and weight-loss fads are of extremely limited effectiveness. When you take into consideration the dangers of surgical procedures and the lack of long-term studies of new-fad diets a safe, reliable alternative is needed.

Although many claim that there are painless ways of losing weight the simple is truth is that weight-loss, like everything else worth achieving in life, requires some effort on your part. However there are techniques and tools to make your transition to health much more enjoyable and easy. A great example is the Paul McKenna famous system which was tested on British television with remarkable results. It didn't even involve hypnosis!

McKenna spent 13 years analyising the behaviours of naturally thin people in order to devise his weight-loss system and found some amazing things.

Every person has an inborn weight control mechanism, a set point that attempts to maintain a particular amount of fat on the body. Based on this premise Paul McKenna formulated his easy to use weight-loss system which as I mentioned earlier had an enormous beneficial affect on the British TV viewing public. He even allowed people to eat what they wanted and they still lost massive amounts of weight! - http://www.personal-development.info/weight-loss.html

Normally when we go on a diet we are forcing the body to adjust to a new way of eating. This is in effect resisting the powerful totally natural urges the body has to prevent energy deficit. So appetite suppressants may help to reduce these drives, and forcing a change in eating habits may retrain the body and mind into a new eating regime but the body will still has these urges because they are inherent and totally natural.

In addition many people overeat due to stress or the desire to suppress negative emotions or feelings of discomfort. Everyone knows the classic 'comfort eater'. This is why the use of self hypnosis is so effective for weight-loss because it can retrain the mind to view food, fitness and eating in more healthy ways.

However, McKenna's research shows that, if you follow your own body's natural rhythm and don't force yourself into strict eating habits or deny yourself the food you want most then you will be much more successful at losing weight. By denyng yourself certain things you set up resistance and you will make it much more difficult to stick to your weight-loss plan. The mind is tricky and I am sure you will agree that you always want something more when you know that you can't have it!

The key is to stop denying yourself the foods you really enjoy but to at them in moderation. I know this is easier said than done but McKenna has some simple yet powerful techniques to ensure your success. Basically you can eat what you want!

Stop eating once your full! Many of us, myself included, tend to keep eating after our body has sent the brian the message "right stop eating I'm satisfied". We need to learn to recognise these signs and take heed of them.

Take an extra 15 minutes of exercise a day. Spread it over the day so it is achieved in very small steps and you will be burning up more calories.

So to outline:

Naturally thin people eat whatever they want! Now this may lead you to believe that they have a higher metobolism or have been blessed with fat burning genes but the truth is much simplier and applies to everyone. Which leads us to our next point.

Naturally thin people have a different psychological view about food and fitness. This is why they can eat what they want. By changing what food means to you at a deep subconscious level you change your automatic responses to food and exercise.

Naturally thin people don't have uncontrollable food cravings. McKenna teaches that any cravings you have are merely learned behaviour and they can be unlearned. He shows how it is possible to break all cravings and re-programme your mind in just minutes

If you follow these simple steps, as outlined in this article, you are guaranteed success and a new healthy, fit body.

About The Author

Michael McGrath is the owner of several successful Internet businesses, a university computer graduate and he has over 21 years experience with personal development. His most popular sites are Personal Development - The personal development industry put to the test. We only review personal development products that work!

Hypnosis - The best hypnosis & self hypnosis products reviewed. Find out what really works!

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